Cats Review

December 20, 2019 at 2:52am
By Jason Stettner

This is one of the most bizarre experiences I’ve ever had, and honestly it was traumatic. This is a musical venture that’s basically just a series of introductions. There’s no plot, no substance and it’s a horror show the whole way through. It’s an unsettling journey that’s both disturbing, and haunting. It’s something I won’t ever forget until the day I die, and not in a good way. The just of what’s going on here is that a tribe of cats called Jellicles decide yearly that one of them will ascend.

This year’s event finds the group welcoming a new stray that has zero personality, Victoria (Francsca Hayward) into the group. I’ll let you know that it’s basically American Idol for cats as the selected individual did not at all seem deserving, winning on vocals alone. Moving past that, it’s just a chain of mismatched individuals in one insane experience that’s awful. Let’s break that grouping down a bit. On one end you have Jason Derulo’s Rum Tum Tugger with that performer perhaps being the only one having fun here.

There’s a great performance from Ian McKellen’s Gus where he’s literally playing a cat that’s playing a performer. There’s strange Oscar level acting from Judi Dench as Old Deuteronomy and also Jennifer Hudson’s Grizabella. To the side of them is a strange comedy act that was terrible from Jennyanydots (Rebel Wilson) and Bustopher Jones (James Corden). Then, in the middle of this all is the awkward no motivation for what he’s doing Macavity (Idris Elba).

Not only is this all over the place tonally with the performances, there’s no story here. The plot is non-existent, it’s an awful journey that you wish would end far sooner than it does. The CGI is appalling here, at times there are floating faces away from bodies and it’s strikingly bad.

Particularly with the mice, they are tiny so it should be easier to get that right. It’s all unsettling to look at, and just looks awful in motion. There are moments where dancing is out of place, or the musical moments just weren’t great. There was a duo of cats, with the female not even really singing which was weird. It’s just one chained abomination of cat meetings, that’s what this is. It’s just one dreadful time that’s uncomfortable to see.

It’s boring, and it’s not something you’ll forget as much as you might want to. It’s puzzling that this exists in the first place. Maybe the technology isn’t there yet, or perhaps this wasn’t something they should have tried in the first place. Things don’t match perspective wise, and the world doesn’t make any sense at all.

The Conclusion

Cats is awful, a haunting experience that doesn’t make any sense in a theatrical sense being a dreadful waste of time. There’s no story here, no substance and I don’t know why this was made into a movie. There were no attempts to make this have any meaning, and none of the actors are on the same page in regards to what they’re in. It’s such a mismatch of performances, with musical tunes that don’t hit their marks.

There’s one that delivers, but it’s so far through and immediately thrown away by the reactions of the creatures around. There are many better ways to spend one’s time, and hopefully I’ll someday be able to get over what I witnessed when watching this film. There’s nothing of value here, and it’s uncomfortable to sit through. The visuals are unsettling, and it looks terrible. It’s puzzling that something like this exists at all. This is one of the worst movies I’ve ever watched, and the absolute worst that I’ve seen in a theater.

If I wasn’t in the middle of a row, I likely would have left. It was agonizing to sit through this, I felt tortured by what was being presented. A complete bore, this is a film for no one. This doesn’t deserve any sort of cult following, or even for it to be seen even for a laugh. It should be forgotten, or used as an example of a catastrophe. It’s somewhat sad actually, I enjoy musicals yet I see nothing of value here.

Cats Review at Theater with Standard Viewing
Screening Provided by Allied

Rating Overall: 0